Letting It All Out

Wow! It has been 8 months since I began my ETP (Eat To Perform) journey. I’ve only lost about 7 pounds, yet I’ve gained muscle mass, gotten stronger, faster, healthier, and have gone down clothing sizes. It has been AWESOME! What an incredible experience it has been. In these last 8 months I have gained a much healthier perspective on food, as well as a better view on “weight” and body composition. I’ve learned that I don’t have to deprive or starve myself to have the body I want. I’ve also learned that being lighter isn’t necessarily going to make me look better. That number on the scale is a helpful number, in terms of seeing how my body responds to food and exercise, but the REAL number that is so important is bodyfat percentage. That is the number I watch and measure and pay attention to regularly.

These last several months is the first time in YEARS that I have felt “balanced”…. as if I have FINALLY found that key to enjoying my life without the stress of worrying about what I am eating. The majority of what I eat is clean and healthy food, but I can eat bread, candy, and snacks without guilt. I don’t eat them every single day, nor do I even want them every single day. But if I feel like it, I can have it and it doesn’t destroy my body composition and I don’t stress about it or feel guilty or berate myself, and I don’t binge eat either. I don’t feel out-of-control anymore the way I did when I was drinking a bunch of sodas and eating fast food every day!

The best part of this whole process is that I really like my body now! I like the size that I am and I know how to keep it that way and I’m not constantly worried about getting chubby again! If I want to see changes, I know how to make small adjustments – lifting heavier weight more often or decreasing calories a little bit (but never to starvation levels), depending on what results I want to see. I can now play around with increasing and decreasing calories to see how my body responds, working to find the optimum levels where I feel best in my workouts. Such freedom is amazing!!!

Throughout this process there was only one result that I didn’t like…. and it was the result of so many things – age (losing skin elasticity), having breastfed three babies for 2 years each, years of running, years of not wearing supportive bras, and years of gaining and losing weight. And then, with losing so much body fat this last year, I had almost nothing left but skin. My boobs were no longer pretty and they were the one thing about my body that I didn’t like. I looked “fine” in a bra because the bra held it all together, but naked… not so much! In the past I had never worried about them before because I always thought I would just gain the weight back and they would get bigger again – they always had. But this time it was the worst, and since I had figured out how to keep my weight stable I knew they weren’t going to be coming back.

With the knowledge that I could keep the weight off and that my boobs would not be returning like in the past, I decided it was time to invest just a little bit more into ME! I’ve spent over 20 years focused on my children, providing them with all that they needed, and now that they are all grown up and don’t need so many things anymore it was time to focus more on me and what I need and want. So, I decided to take control and fix the one area I couldn’t fix with food and exercise… I got a breast lift and augmentation.

I never, ever thought that I would do something like this. I always thought about getting a breast lift – that was always on the radar, but augmentation was NEVER on the list! I always thought it creepy and scary to have some foreign object inside of me permanently. But, after realizing that if I had a breast lift I would end up only about an A-cup I knew I would have to do something more to be fully happy with my breasts. Then, after talking with a friend and other women in a FB group, I realized that it just might be worth it to have an augmentation. Every single person I spoke with was ridiculously happy with their decision to have implants as well as the results of their surgeries. They all talked about gaining increased self-esteem and confidence, and none of the women had negative experiences with continuing to workout, not even the CrossFitters.

It has been three weeks since my surgery and I am healing up VERY well. I am already loving what I am seeing in the mirror now, even though I’m not fully healed yet. I am no longer embarrassed to be naked in front of my husband. I love how I look in a bikini now! I love how my torso looks longer, making my waist and stomach look leaner. I’m excited for the new array of clothing I will get to wear now – things I could never get away with in the past – strapless, backless, cleavage-baring! Ooh the options!!!

As for my ETP plan… I can’t do more than walking yet (one more week), but I’ve maintained my weight easily. I even took a trip to NY and splurged a couple of the days (one day I ate 2300 cals), but I did NOT gain weight. In the past if I had to take a month off I would have stressed thinking I would blow up like a big balloon again – not this time. This time I knew what to do… keep following my plan! I found my maintenance level prior to surgery and I worked to stick to it, though I have one day a week where I might splurge a little and go over on cals by 300-500 cals. It doesn’t hurt me at all. My body needs the fuel for healing. When I can workout again I will be limited to only lower body and cardio for awhile so I will be focusing on strength (squats, deadlifts, lunges) and running, but I can still work my ETP plan. I know what to do!

I worried about sharing this news publicly because I know a lot of women are afraid to have people know that they’ve had breast augmentation for fear of being judged negatively. But, I’ve come to care less and less about people judging me because I know there just might be more women who might be helped or inspired by me sharing my story. We care so much about what people think of us. Are we too fat? Do we have too much muscle? Are our boobs too big or too small or too saggy? Is our butt too big or too small? Are our legs too thick?

In the end, the only opinion of us that really matters is our own! WE have to live with ourselves. We have to look at ourselves in the mirror every day. We have to live with and learn to love our bodies. Sometimes we can’t change our “flaws” and have to learn to live with them or love them. But sometimes we can fix the things we don’t love so much, so why the hell not!! Let it all out… don’t worry about everyone else… live your life… it’s your body… enjoy it… celebrate it… love it!

Last Summer vs. 3 Weeks Post Op

Pre-Surgery vs. 3 Weeks Post Op

If you are planning to have a breast lift or augmentation, you can find help with recovery here: Rebuild Your Body

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